The Decision to Divorce

Tamala Argue

Family Law Attorney
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One of the hardest decisions to make when you have children is divorce. Once the decision is made, you will experience a wide range of emotions and feelings. 

These emotions and feelings can leave you spiraling out of control. Guilt, sadness, regret, fear and failure are all common feelings. 

The first thing you need to do is take a few deep breaths and compose yourself. Know that others have suffered the same waterfall of emotions and have survived. You will too. 

Understand that a divorce involves a range of emotional responses such as guilt. anger, overwhelming sadness, and regret. Regret can even involve such thoughts as, “Why did I ever get involved with this person?” “Did I do enough to make the relationship work?” “Is it so bad that I must upset the children?” 

Whatever the reason for your decision to divorce, it is a good idea to seek counseling. Counseling is vital in a divorce process. Discuss what should be shared with the children and what should not be shared. 

Next, seek out family and friends you trust that will not judge or tell you what they think you should do. Let them know that you need to get these emotions out so that you can focus on the next step. You want understanding not answers. Be clear with them so they do not try to intervene. 

Always remember, your children are watching you and the other parent go through this process. You are teaching your children how to communicate about problems and end a relationship. Be aware of this fact always. Don’t talk bad about the other person when the children can overhear you. 

No matter what you are going through or experiencing in your life, your children’s wellbeing and emotional growth are your priority. Because you are the adult, it is your responsibility to set aside your emotions and feelings when the children are around. If you find yourself unable to do this, let the children know that you need a time out. Go to your room and compose yourself. 

Your children know you are upset. Children can feel the emotions radiating out from you when you are around them. Children cannot understand these emotions. Do not place your children in a position where they feel guilt for loving the other parent. It will not help you or your children. 

Please set up counseling sessions for them also. Counseling will provide them with a safe place to express what they are feeling. 

Seek the expertise of a qualified life coach. You will benefit from learning how to set goals, overcome obstacles and communicate in a healthy constructive manner. You will learn positive ways of handling these obstacles and challenges and achieve your goals. 

What you do today, will have an impact on yourself and your children for years to come. Learn from the experience so that your next relationship gets off to a good start. 

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